Stupid humour

[Uncle Roy]

My wife and I moved to a new house
It's the only place I've lived where I can tolerate the neighbours.
It's next to a cemetery .

[Uncle Roy]

A bird crapping on you is really good luck.
My wife came home early from work and now she wants a divorce

I can remember when cars didn't have cup holders.....You had to drive with the beer between your legs


Got run over by a stretched limo this morning ...took ages

[Will C]

Love the last one Ron!

[Uncle Roy]

I always find New Year's Eve stressful......I've been diagnosed with old langxiety

I've just bought the wife a device that will guarantee she will never damage her car again.
A wheel clamp

[Uncle Roy]

I decided not to get up until after 10.
If I do, that bloke will hit me again.

I was with my nan at the airport when I pointed out a 747 on the runway.
She squinted and said, "Which Craft?"
I said, "Not really nan, just a flying contraption beyond your level of technical comprehension

[Boru]

Roy.

Spotted this little section while polishing my Weetabix.
Great selection - one or two have been on the road a while, but funny for all that.
Where have they been hiding ?
Nice ones lads.
Bob

[Boru]

Some bird crapped on my car the other day.
I won't be taking her out again !

[Uncle Roy]

Tell the truth.
You will see that I am from the greatest generation. There's a few here in the same bracket.

[zbplayer]

I gave the missus a ring for xmas. But did reverse the charges !

[Ken Byng]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "It tells me that someone has stolen our tent!"