Stupid humour

[Steeliedave]

An Englishman a Frenchman and a Japanese are put on a desert Island to test their survival skills. The English guy say's, back in England I am an architect I design buildings I could build us a shelter, the French guy say's in France I am a Chef I could make us food, the Japanese guy say's I have no special skills. The English guy say's ok then I will need supplies to build the shelter and Frenchy will need supplies to feed us so well put you in charge of supplies. Ater a few Month's the team arrive back to take them off the Island, they notice that the English guy has built a beautifull house out of Palm trees and leaves, and the French guy has a kitchen full of tasty food, they ask were the japanese guy is and they say we havent seen him since the first day, we'd better go and look for him they say we're about to leave soon. So they start walking along the beach, as they round a corner the Japanese guy jumps out from behind a palm tree and shouts, "SUPPLIES".

[Uncle Roy]

I phoned the Tinitus help line this morning, but it just kept ringing and ringing.

[Uncle Roy]

A farmer's son gives an excuse for not being at school, saying that he had to take the bull to the cow.
Teacher - couldn't your father father have done that? No, Miss it's got to be the bull.

Little tommy with a grin,
Drank up all his daddy's gin.
Mummy said when he was plastered.
"Go to bed you little darling"

The little girl ran into the kitchen and said excitedly, "Mummy,mummy, there's a man in bed with the maid".
"What? cried the mother, aghast. "April Fool, mummy, it,s only Daddy!"

God comes back down to Earth & asks Adam, if he's satisfied w: Eve
Adam : " My Lord, why did you make Eve so Beautyfull ?
God : " So you can love er me son
Adam : " Why did you make her so stupid ? "
God " So that she can love you me son "

[acerod]

.A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke…'just looking around.'

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"

[Steeliedave]

Chap walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of water with a dash of lime, he drinks that down and asks for another. The bartender say's to him, I've worked in bars up and down the whole country and never before has anyone asked me for a drink like that what makes you drink it. Well says the chap if you had what I've got thats all you could drink. Oh! says the bartender I'm sorry to hear that what have you got?, F***ing ten pence mate.

[Steeliedave]

Chap walks into a bar and asks for a pint of whitbred bitter, he drinks a little then goes to the toilet, a young black girl walks up to the bar picks up his pint she holds it by her arse farts in it then sits down again. When the chap returns the bartender says to him, your not going to believe this but you see that young black woman over there she just came up to the bar picked up your pint and farted in it. The chap goes over to her and say's, "you fart in my whitbread" she say's no I'm Tessa Sandersan.

[Steeliedave]

Guy walks into his local chinese takeaway, he looks around at the red furry wallpaper and say's to the owner, "is this wallpaper flocked", the owner say's, "no still ok for two more year".

[Steeliedave]

What goes in and out and smells of urine?, 10 old Ladies doing the Hokey Cokey.

[acerod]

Q. What do you call a famous film actor with no money?
A. Skint Eastwood!