Stupid humour

[e9b6]

The Wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.



"Did you smell that food, it smelt incredible?" she said.



Being the good Scotsman that I am, I thought



"Bugger it, I'll give her a treat !"



So we walked past it again!

[Basil Henriques]

[Will C]

Didn't really follow that post, Basil. Was it cymbolic or something?

[Arcada]

[Basil Henriques]

'tis a "Rimshot" used on forums regularly especially by Archie Nichol...given instead of Clap.. SQUMS.

[JohnDavisStringsHere]

Baz, I did`ent follow it either and can you tll us what SQUMS. means? thanks to you I know about Read the£&*kin manual now but who`s got the clap?

[Basil Henriques]

Sniggering Quietly Up My Sleeve.. One would thank the audience for the clap, then promptly change that to "applause." (Well I would)

[Basil Henriques]

I stole these off Terry Dean
In the midst of this doom and gloom, have a giggle!
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin. 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw a parked RAC van. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself, that guy's heading for a breakdown.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ."Blow that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

[JohnDavisStringsHere]

Customer: "Waiter, how do you prepare your chicken?"
Waiter: "We usually tell them they're not going to make it."

[Jim Pritchard]

Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out of it.
He phones the police and says "Bejasus I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb."
The operator asks…. "Is it tickin?
Paddy says….. "No, oi tink it's beef"
------------------------------
Joe says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're making love to your wife.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
-----------------------------

Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work
today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs
hurt, I no come work.'

The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really
need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my
wife and ask her to give me sex. That makes everything
better and I go to work. You try that.'

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You
say and I feel great. I be at work soon.
You got nice house.