John
For once I agree with LDN and as you requested I give you my sympathy in abundance, playing like that you don't need sympathy, just a bit more practice to improve your confidence
You could be helped by a photo of Herb Remington, or maybe even one of Mick Hearn to give you reassurance in your playing ability.
Keep posting your videos, even when you think they are " desperate "

co's we appreciate them
Cheers
Robert