Stupid humour

[slimbo]

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.

Got stopped in the street outside Boots today by a woman with a clipboard asking "What products do I use for grooming?" She was a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook".

[Steeliedave]

Two suicide terrorists are shopping in Blacks Camping and Outdoor Shop, the one try's on a back pack and say's to the other, doe's my bomb look big in this?.

[Steeliedave]

My misses is so thick, She thinks an "Itchy Fanny" is a Japanese motorcycle.

[Uncle Roy]

If eight out of ten man write with a ball-point pen, what do the other two do with it?

[Uncle Roy]

Whats's brown, has four legs, and can see just as well from both ends? A blind horse!

Why shouldn't you buy Russian underpants? Chernobyl fallout

When did you last make love? "I think it was 1945". 1945? That seems a long time ago. "Not really, it's only 22.30 now"

What's the difference between light and hard? You can go to sleep with the light on!

What goes in dry, and comes out wet, and satisfies two people? A tea bag.

[Steeliedave]

Whats brown and full of holes? Shit from Switzerland.

[Uncle Roy]

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other,” Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was great." "That's great! And what was the name of the clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?"

[Zumbilly(Murdoch)]

What time is it in Yorkshire when there is a pork pie on the clock?

Summat to eight!!!

[Steeliedave]

Two old blokes are sitting in the park one warm summers day when the one says, I would love an ice cream, thats a good idea the other says what do you fancy?, the first chap says, get me a large cone but write it down, with your memory you'll forget, I wont says the second chap a large cone thats easy enough. Are says the first chap but I would like a chocolate flake too, ok says the second chap a large cone with a flake, write it down says the first chap you'll forget, I wont say's the second chap a large cone with a flake, but I would like chocolate sauce and nuts too so write it down I know you will forget, no I wont says the second chap, a large cone with a flake, chocolate sauce and nuts. So off he goes to get the ice creams, when he gets back he has got the first chap a Hamburger, you silly bugger says the first chap I told you to write it down didn't I, you've forgotten the tomatoe sauce.

[Steeliedave]

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandles? Phillipe Flop.