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[Zumbilly(Murdoch)]

Dave,
I know many guys who are proud of having a criminal record but none who have a Sidney Devine record.
If You promise not to mention HIM again I am sure We can let You in the back door.

Frank,
Govan social services will be sending over some underpriveledged families to You for the next few months,please extend Your hospitality and wean them off tea by giving them some of that single malt and play some traditional music.If You were to take up the bagpipes I am sure it would lead to a Knighthood eventually.

[Ken Byng]

Billy
I'm just filling out an application form to join your honorary members club. Here are the main points of Scottish connections to support my application.

* Sometime in the late 50's - early 60's I once watched the White Heather Club on TV. (This was in the days when there was only one channel on TV )

* I once used a book on Sidney Devine that my mate loaned me to prop up a workbench leg in my shed

* I accidentally sat on a Lena Martell album at a party and ruined it

* I backed Karl Denver at a club in Southampton once in the 1970's. The best cabaret artist I have ever seen. He was so pissed that he vomited from the stage onto the dance floor and continued with his song without missing a note. Trouble was that he was using my microphone. I won't make reference to bits of carrot in case anyone is eating while they read this .

So there - I think that qualifies me to join your club. (2 of the above are true!!)

[Zumbilly(Murdoch)]

Ken
If only You had danced at the white heather club You would have been given a lifetime acheivement award.
Full marks for getting something out of Sidney(He even charged His band ticket money to play at a gig)
I will not comment on Lena but Her brandy is good.
Karl Denver, I knew Him when He was Gus McKenzie We were about six years old at the time,Used to drink in the same playgroup.
Yes Ken You are in Get Yer kilt on
Billy

[bob adams]

Jings, Yer awe Barkin!!

I feel a Big Steelies (or even 'wee steelies'! ...Scottish Party coming on!!!! But I'll no Labour It!!!!!

We'd need to get Ron's Boat oot the river to get the Bloomfields across!

JD could hire a Chara and big John Stannard could pull y'awe on to the runnin boards on the way up !!!

I'll contact Lidl and see if they'll supply any more Kilts !!

(for those who didn't hear the story the Lidl supermarket chain put kilts on sale for £24.99 prior to Burns night, the national media reported they were sold out across the country before 9.00 am on the day of sale!)

Wales can expect to be invaded soon, keep yer heid doon Mr Nutt!

Ken, with that CV, who could refuse your 'Weegie Visa' I went to a Lena concert when there was still gas lamps in the Kings, we were up in gods and I looked directly down on her, she was very amply bestowed was Lena, had I jumped!.... What a way to go!!

Eddie you n Joe Kelly capture Ted n Ivor and grab a few burds! on the way up! I just know you boys could manage that! !!


Just had a thought... If Richard Stanton reads this he'll be needing a translator! Missed you at Gt Bar..Mr S!

[RonMc]

Hi Bob,

The boats at your disposal, but I do'nt know if I even qualify for membership now, as after them transfusions, its reckoned that I'm now 40% English!!

Regards to all

Ron Mc

[STEDDIE EDDIE]

OMG Billy! you were only six years old? and used to drink with Gus [karl] ? at playgroup? what kind of an upbringing did you have??????? and Ken, which two were true? and Bob, so now joe and myself are some kinda pimps??? or are you simply saying, we can still pull the birds??? thats alright then, ill get the mini bus serviced, and Ron, even if your now only a 60% Scot, its still 60% more than me, although i did have a bowl of Baxters broth yesterday, anyway, i think we may have wandered slightly off topic here,

[Alan Mills]

I played the bagpipes when I was a kid. Does that count for owt?

[Ken Byng]

......... and Ken, which two were true?

Eddie - the White Heather Club and Karl Denver were the true bits. Karl did his cabaret spot as part of his trio (I can't remember his guitarist's name but he was a gentleman) and then insisted on coming on stage and singing with our band at the end of the night. Someone had made the mistake of leaving a full bottle of scotch in the dressing room, and Mr Denver made very short work of that. Not that he had a drink problem or anything.

He was a real character, and the only other person that I ever saw as pi$$ed as him on stage was Acker Bilk at a barn dance in Somerset.

[Donny Johnston]

Yeh, Have any of the English exiles hunted haggis? Donny

[Dave Nutt]

Donny, Hunted em??? we invented em, down here in wales we have the originals, not those battery operated phoneys you have up there, these are the real 100% wind ups.
Dave,