cash waiting

[Zumbilly(Murdoch)]

I wish to buy a one hundred pound note.
Must be in reasonable condition. I will pay postage costs.
My top offer will be in the region of eighty pounds.
Depending on availability I may be able to take more than one.
Merry Christmas Y'All.
Billy

[Dave Nutt]

Billy, Ive been waiting for someone like you to come along.
Now then! I have a load of them, you can have em for 25 quid each. Slight problem, when I got them from the Royal Mint (down here in sunny Cardiff,boyo) they had made a slight error, like? instead of the Bank of England being printed on them they have some bank called Monopoly, dont worry,its all kosher stuff, its only a missprint, even the ink is dry.
As a special friend, and seeing that Im giving you this chance of a lifetime could you assist by sending me your bank/credit card details, passwords etc? (purely for security, Im sure you understand)

A merry christmas to you my dear boyo.
Dave (loads a money) Nutt

[SHAKEY]

Sorry Billy, I was told they were no longer legal tender and not worth the paper they are printed on, so I used them all to wipe my a*%$e when I run out of bog roll. Just my luck eh!! Merry Christmas.
Shakey.

[Ken Byng]

Billy
I would have sold you a few as yours is a very generous offer. However, I have just given my bank account details to a very kind gentleman from Nigeria (Mr Umbopa). He has a hundred million pounds locked within his country and needs my bank account so that he can get his money transferred across in order that we can share the amount between us. What a kind man. Once I have got the money I will sell you as many £100 notes at £80 as you care to buy. Mr Umbopa knows a shrewed businessman when he sees one, and I'm sure that's why he chose to email me. Aren't I lucky!!!

[Dave Nutt]

Ken- Your such a lucky one, must be so excited, what ya gonna do with it all? a suggestion- by a new amp and give me that old clapped out, scruffy looking Webb.
I also have a business partner, he is the prime ministers, cousins, uncles first nephew of UMGOBONGO, thats in Africa, he's the head of a big national bank, we havnt met yet but he e mails me on a regular basis. Hes a great guy, he has millions of druckets (thats the UMGOBONGO national currency) he wants me to have, all I have to do is give him some confidential information, he assures me it wont ever be disclosed to anyone else. Then??? 'over will come the dosh' There are so, so many kind folks in the world arn't there? and to think, I dont even know the guy.

Not sure about delivery costs for the Webb, so if you could find time to drop it off that would be nice, if Im not in, leave it in the porch. (leave the plug on it as they are quite costly nowdays and until I get my druckets Im a little bit skint)

Dave.

[Zumbilly(Murdoch)]

You guys should be ashamed of Yourselves
I started out with a genuine offer and thought I would be generous at this time of Year and all I get is "Flippin' Flippancy"
Second hand(arse) bog roll indeed
Foreign notes and Mickey Mouse dollars.
The offer is withdrawn immediately and You can all stuff Your turkey with it.
See Y'All when I am sober.
Billy

[Uncle Roy]

Billy, your last suggestion makes my eyes water just to think about it. What a place to hide your bank notes!

[Ken Byng]

Ken- Your such a lucky one, must be so excited, what ya gonna do with it all? a suggestion- by a new amp and give me that old clapped out, scruffy looking Webb.
I also have a business partner, he is the prime ministers, cousins, uncles first nephew of UMGOBONGO, thats in Africa, he's the head of a big national bank, we havnt met yet but he e mails me on a regular basis. Hes a great guy, he has millions of druckets (thats the UMGOBONGO national currency) he wants me to have, all I have to do is give him some confidential information, he assures me it wont ever be disclosed to anyone else. Then??? 'over will come the dosh' There are so, so many kind folks in the world arn't there? and to think, I dont even know the guy.

Not sure about delivery costs for the Webb, so if you could find time to drop it off that would be nice, if Im not in, leave it in the porch. (leave the plug on it as they are quite costly nowdays and until I get my druckets Im a little bit skint)

Dave.

Dave - When I get the £50m paid into my bank account, I might even buy the Webb company from Tom Bradshaw and start manufacturing them again. I can't believe it, just merely providing my full bank details including passwords to get that amount of money. There must be millions of people who wish they are as fortunate as I am.

I will be able to keep Billy in single malt for the rest of his life (just).

[Malcolm]

Billy, you should have pointed out to our steel playing brethren south of Hadrian's Wall, that in fact a Bank of England £100 note is actually worth £80 pounds up here in God's chosen country, (less the foreign currency charge of about £5.00, which means that you were actually taking a loss in the transaction)..All this goes to show what a great and charitable nation we Scots are towards our southern neighbours, despite all those untrue stories about us being mean.

[Dave Nutt]

''hey up'' 'ere we go, North South devide? Braveheart? the clearances? The potato famine? (was that up there or was that in that other place)? Have a guess what a Scotish pound note is worth down here in taffy land??? it wouldnt even buy a slice of Haggis, yes! that delicacy was originally a Welsh idea, taken up to bonnie Scotland by Sydney Divine way back in the 1800s after trying his hand at singing down our mines. Couldnt cut it, so! back he went to performing for the easier pleased audiences.

Happy New Year (Hey! that was also originally a Welsh celebration)

Dave.